I might try to submit this one to McSweeney's
Things people like to yell at me when I am riding my bike and they are drunk:
1. Lady in red!!
2. Don't shoot, I'm unarmed (let's assume all of these end in exclamation points)
3. Being environmentally friendly heeeey?
4. Schmoopie Doopie (got that one last night)
and a drumroll please, 5. Hey baby